“Now we’ve heard a real non-violent peace person, we realize what a phony baloney Obama is,” Thorbjørn Jangland, chairman of the Nobel Peace Prize Committee, told an overflow press conference in Oslo today. “After her speech, our faces are totally covered with egg!” Jangland went on, “We don’t care about the money! We just want the damn medal back!”
Last year, TFE reported that in the wake of the bombing of Libya, the assassination of Osama bin Laden, Guantanamo remaining open, and the reduced drawdown in Afghanistan, the committee had asked the President “nicely” if he wouldn’t mind sending back his Peace Prize “when he had time.”
For months, they heard nothing from the White House, so they tried a different tack.
“We said as long as we got his medal back, he could keep the really expensive box it came in. We even offered him a Consolation Nobel Peace Prize.”
“This time,” said Jangland, “we heard through diplomatic channels that the White House knew Norway had a real problem with right-wing extremists, and perhaps the U.S. could ‘help’ with drone attacks on the fjords and the suburbs of Oslo, where they might be hiding out.”
The committee - all of whom live either in a fjord or an Oslo suburb - got the message. “We bit our tongues with the bombing of Yemen and when we heard about the kill list we just about bit them off. But it’s like Bush said: ‘America is slow to anger, but homicidal when aroused.’”
Reminded that the quote was actually President Reagan’s and the end of it is: “...but there is a limit,” the Chairman replied “Whatever.”
White House spokesman Jay Carney said the President didn’t remember winning the Nobel Peace Prize, but if he did, he has no idea where he put it.