Doomsday preacher Harold Camping returned to the airwaves today, blaming his failed Rapture forecast on "a missile strike that nearly blew Jesus out of the sky."
"I didn't miscalculate anything," the 89-year-old evangelist snarled. "The Lord was right on schedule - 6:00 PM Pacific Time - ready to snatch up His followers. Then he was picked up over U.S. airspace by NORAD's radar defense system.”
Seconds later, Homeland Security scrambled fighter jets and launched surface-to-air missiles.
“An entire choir of seraphim was wiped out,” Camping said, recounting the vision he was shown of the calamity.
Jesus was reportedly shaken up in the attack but not seriously injured, according to a photo which the radio reverend said appeared miraculously on his computer late Sunday, right after his vision. "The Lord could have proceeded with the Second Coming" said Camping "but decided to abort the mission and try again after the NBA playoffs."
White House and Pentagon officials initially dismissed Camping's claims, but later reluctantly acknowledged that U.S. forces “might have” shot down "unidentified celestial objects" Saturday evening. President Obama’s approval ratings, which soared in the wake of Osama bin Laden’s death, could suffer from news that - as Camping claims - he may have tried to "take out" the Savior of all Mankind.