Bowing to the overwhelming public pressure of no one, Glenn Beck Television - or GBTV - or Gay Bisexual TV - has given the green light to production of an alternative to the hit show Glee.
According to a GBTV representative: “Since its inception several seasons ago, Glee has celebrated the homosexual agenda, introduced sacrilegious artists such as John Lennon to a new audience, and perpetuated the false stereotype that kids in wheelchairs can shred mean guitar solos.”
In response, Glenn Beck and his dedicated team of self-identified “Love Restoring Compassionate Militants” have been developing an alternative show.
Enter The 70 Club: Creationists of Beaumont High, a nod to one of the pioneer Evangelist-profiteers, Pat Robertson.
The following synopsis is from the upcoming pilot episode:
The club, inspired by the recent success of Tupac at Coachella, decides that a special event is in order to bring in the most influential guest-speaker ever in the history of Beaumont and the world, Jesus Christ. The holographic Jesus would come bearing all of the obvious messages: “Let the free market handle it,” “Dad Bless the USA” and “I’m really happy to be here and looking forward to attending my 6,982nd High School reunion, by the way, what happened to all the dinosaurs? Man a lot’s changed since the last time I lived here! Missouri! Represent!”
The club’s leader, Chris Christianson, is hoping for success, after all, the club is in a bit of a rut ever since the Tebow Initiative, requiring all student athletes to wear promise rings,. Furthermore, Christianson knows his plans will likely be heavily contested by Dr. Ed Cated, middle name Ulysses, the antagonist of the show. Dr. Cated is a biology professor constantly attempting to poison the minds of the 70 Club with lies and propaganda such as global warming, fossils and evolution. He constantly berates Christianson with horrid diatribes such as “state law requires you to keep it secular,” “a broom closet isn’t a proper meeting space for this club,” and “due to recent events you may want to discontinue those monthly slumber parties you’re having.”
Will Jesus speak at Beaumont? Will club member senior Fred be granted his religious exemption from reading Kurt Vonnegut novels in his honors English class? Will the 70 Club’s prayer campaign single-handedly solve the school’s obesity problem as Christianson predicts?
Look for The 70 Club: Creationists of Beaumont High coming this fall to GBTV! Also, The 70 Club Radio Hour can be heard on any station on the AM dial 30 miles or more from any place that has a skyline.