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Saudi Arabia Prohibits Women From Playing Mario Kart

By JAY WELCH
Saudi Arabia Prohibits Women From Playing Mario Kart

Saudi Arabia's religious police issued an order yesterday prohibiting women from playing Nintendo's popular Mario Kart series. According to the order, "Under Islam, driving is prohibited to women. In addition to undermining this prohibition, the infidel game teaches women other unfeminine tendencies such as decision-making and using electronics."

Any woman in Saudi Arabia caught playing Mario Kart will be punished with one lashing for every race completed and two lashings for every banana peel thrown.

While the rule may seem harsh to Westerners, it is consistent with current Saudi treatment of women. Said Jeddah University Islamic Studies Professor Saif Al-Hameni, "It is a fact under the Qu'ran that women are terrible drivers. We have already prohibited women from go-kart racing as a gateway activity and Mario Kart is simply a gateway to that gateway, which is, itself, a forbidden gateway."

According to the order, encouraging female drivers is only the most obvious way Mario Kart promotes Western whorishness. The game's main female character, Princess Peach, "corrupts innocent men such as Baby Mario and Waluigi by intermingling with them in a suggestive ankle-length pink gown." All of this is, allegedly, made worse by the fact that males can play the game as female characters, and females can play the game as male characters. Additionally, the practice of unlocking characters through repeated play has long been considered by conservative Islamic scholars to be dangerously suggestive.

"Whether it be as short as a lap through Moo Moo Meadows or as long as the four course Toadstool Cup Grand Prix, a woman who races in Mario Kart travels a path of corruption."

On a related note, the Committee for Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice will soon issue rulings on Pixar's film "Cars 2" and YouTube clips of the Republican Presidential Debates.


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