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Supreme Court Overturns Theory of Evolution 5-4

By JEROME BOSCH
Supreme Court Overturns Theory of Evolution 5-4

In a momentous decision, the US Supreme Court yesterday overturned the theory of evolution by a 5-4 decision that split the court along familiar conservative-liberal lines. The majority opinion by Chief Justice Roberts was joined by the conservative bloc, with a separate concurrence by Justice Kennedy. The Court’s liberal bloc uniformly dissented. While the line-ups were familiar, the decision was a surprise, as the instant case had presented a narrow administrative issue, and did not actually concern evolution at all.

The ruling’s full breadth is unclear, as the Court declined to state whether it banned merely the teaching of evolution, or whether it went further and actually prohibited people and animals from genetically adapting over the course of generations. When asked for comment, Chief Justice Roberts said he couldn’t rationally explain it, but the decision “just felt instinctively right.” He then scratched his scalp, as if picking at a parasite.

While the issue appears to be settled as a matter of law, Justice Kennedy’s concurrence left a slender window of hope for Darwinists by concluding his opinion with the statement, “[o]f course, I may change my mind at any time, like I did with partial-birth abortion a few years back.”

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