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Supreme Leader of All Campaigns and Definer of Civilization's Future Found Dead

By BLUE GAL
Supreme Leader of All Campaigns and Definer of Civilization's Future Found Dead

The Newt Gingrich 2012 Presidential Campaign was found dead in the basement of the campaign headquarters earlier today.

Shortly after the passing was announced, hoards of intensely sobbing Gingrich followers and casino magnates gathered completely spontaneously outside the Gingrich Compound in Alexandria, Virginia.

It has been hinted by the foreign press that the campaign has been suffering losses for months, particularly in the failure of the Supreme Leader's Southern Strategy both west of the Mississippi River and north of the Mason-Dixon demilitarized zone, and that this might be to blame for the campaign's demise.

The crowd's grief was deafening as Mr. and Mrs. Gingrich - stunningly vapid in a pair of Tiffany's mourning earrings - appeared at the balcony. In a joint statement, the Gingrich's insisted that the campaign's sole-heir and successor was the young entity known as "Gingrich Productions."

The official statement also decreed that it was the specific wish of the most honorable deceased campaign that "death" not be mentioned, but rather the legally-binding term "suspended in supreme immortality," in deference to those true devotees who believe its Eminence will rise again to its exalted place atop our lives.


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