Break The Senate (photo NSFW)
Break The Senate (photo NSFW)
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weBola: The Dating Site for Ebola Patients
weBola: The Dating Site for Ebola Patients
VIDEO: Life sucks, then you meet someone, then you die
Bite the Book: New York Times Book Review Chats with Tarzan
Bite the Book: New York Times Book Review Chats with Tarzan
What books are currently on your night stand?
Nobel Committee Nicely Asks Obama To Return Peace Prize… Again
Nobel Committee Nicely Asks Obama To Return Peace Prize… Again
The Nobel Peace Prize Committee has twice asked President Obama through diplomatic channels to return his Peace Prize. Now they’re asking “one last time” and there’s nothing diplomatic about it.
Elderly Primate Confesses to Starting AIDS. Encourages Ebola Culprit to Follow Suit.
Elderly Primate Confesses to Starting AIDS. Encourages Ebola Culprit to Follow Suit.
Life seems simple enough for seventy-five year old Carl Pressman. He resides in the luscious tropics of South Africa and spends his days smoking cigars and sporting designer fedoras...
In Move to Smash Google Glass, Apple Announces the iBall
In Move to Smash Google Glass, Apple Announces the iBall
The race for your retina is on! Media have always been obsessed with your eyeballs. Attracting them, keeping them, selling you stuff you don't need. Now with its Project Glass reality glasses Google wants to cut out the middleman – you. But Apple has an even better idea...
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Facebook Heroes
Facebook Heroes
The Final Edition presents a series of true legends, stories of the greatest warriors for freedom and justice this - or any - generation has ever seen: Facebook Heroes
Exclusive:  The Final Edition Finds Hemingway's Long-Lost Suicide Note
Exclusive: The Final Edition Finds Hemingway's Long-Lost Suicide Note
July 2nd is the 53rd anniversary of an epochal event in American literature: the suicide via shotgun to the mouth of Ernest Hemingway.
From Pharma to Table: The McDonald's-Pfizer Merger
From Pharma to Table: The McDonald's-Pfizer Merger
McDonald's and Pfizer have announced plans to merge to allow McDonald's myriad meat patents and other intellectual properties to sustain Pfizer's long-term positive economic outlook.
Mattel Launches Average Barbie: 'A New Glamor-Free Doll For Our Times'
Mattel Launches Average Barbie: 'A New Glamor-Free Doll For Our Times'
The new doll, an effort to reorient the toy company after the death of co-founder Elliot Handler in July, will be "ordinary in every way, homely, mildly depressed and borderline obese."
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The New Republicans
The New Republicans
The following message is brought to you by, "The Republican Effort to Totally Revamp Ourselves in 2014" or... RETRO 2014.
Elmore Leonard Hired to Write for Season 4 of Downton Abbey
Elmore Leonard Hired to Write for Season 4 of Downton Abbey
PBS has tapped Elmore Leonard, the acclaimed writer of Rum Punch, Get Shorty, and Out of Sight, to write for the early 20th century period drama. TFE has acquired an exclusive sneak peak of what's to come.
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Freedom: Sponsored by Koch Industries
Freedom: Sponsored by Koch Industries
We at Koch Industries wanted to know what freedom means. So we got opinions from the people who matter the most: Ordinary Americans.
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60 Sorries with Lara Logan
60 Sorries with Lara Logan
The Final Word: 60 Sorries with Lara Logan
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The National Denier Service: Ted Cruz
The National Denier Service: Ted Cruz
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The Brilliant Bug of Carnegie Hall
The Brilliant Bug of Carnegie Hall
A charming fable about how the core American values of inventiveness and stick-to-it-iveness are rewarded.
Nobel Committee Asks Obama “Nicely” To Return Peace Prize
Nobel Committee Asks Obama “Nicely” To Return Peace Prize
Thorbjorn Jagland, chairman of the Nobel Peace Prize Committee, said today that President Obama “really ought to consider” returning his Nobel Peace Prize Medal immediately, including the “really nice” case it came in.
Mitch McConnell Filibusters EMT After Tragic Accident
Mitch McConnell Filibusters EMT After Tragic Accident
A family of four is dead after Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY) filibustered the ambulance crew that tried to save their lives.
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But Syriasly: Obama on Syria
But Syriasly: Obama on Syria
The Final Edition presents The Final Word: President Obama's Thoughts on Syria
The Quiet, Thoughtful Lottery Winner Who Bought the New York Times
The Quiet, Thoughtful Lottery Winner Who Bought the New York Times
Three years ago, Tony Ditmar, a 36-year-old postal worker from Milwaukee, won $650 million in the Powerball lottery, the highest amount ever reaped by an individual. Yesterday, Ditmar busted out really big, announcing that he had purchased The New York Times.
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Obama On The Government Shutdown
Obama On The Government Shutdown
The Final Word: President Obama On The Government Shutdown
George Zimmerman Found Guilty of Being an Idiot
George Zimmerman Found Guilty of Being an Idiot
SANFORD, Fla. — George Zimmerman – the man charged with killing 17-year-old Trayvon Martin last year – has been found guilty of being an idiot.
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Top 10 Reasons to Like Iranian President Rouhani
Top 10 Reasons to Like Iranian President Rouhani
Top 10 Reasons to Like Iranian President Hassan Rouhani delivered by the man of the hour... Iranian President Hassan Rouhani!!
Ronald Reagan Returns!
Ronald Reagan Returns!
The Republican Wish List includes one supernatural event...
House Republicans Endorse "Poor Christmas:" Widows Orphans Beggars Will Celebrate Feast in January
House Republicans Endorse "Poor Christmas:" Widows Orphans Beggars Will Celebrate Feast in January
In a sweeping measure evoking the true meaning of “compassionate conservatism,” Congress today passed legislation establishing a “second Christmas” for the disadvantaged.
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The Final Word: Why Justice Thomas Voted Down the Voting Rights Act
The Final Word: Why Justice Thomas Voted Down the Voting Rights Act
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A Message From the National Denier Service
A Message From the National Denier Service
Were the Oklahoma tornadoes the result of global warming?
McCain Gets A Taste Of Syrian Rebels
McCain Gets A Taste Of Syrian Rebels
Arizona's current Senator and still not-President, John McCain, secretly traveled to Syria to meet with lung-eating rebels.
Video: The Incredible Folding President
Video: The Incredible Folding President
After his failure to get Congress to pass gun control supported by 90% of Americans, we revisit our favorite current occupant of the Oval Office. Check out his moves...
Shocking Photo Reveals There Are FIVE Horsemen Of The Apocalypse
Shocking Photo Reveals There Are FIVE Horsemen Of The Apocalypse
Shocking Photo Reveals There Are FIVE Horsemen Of The Apocalypse
Thatcher Dies, Goes to Hell, Hell Spits Her Right Back Out
Thatcher Dies, Goes to Hell, Hell Spits Her Right Back Out
Within seconds of her fatal stroke, Thatcher’s immortal soul was whisked to its inevitable destination, Hell. Then something unprecedented in the annals of eternal torment took place.
Justice Thomas Rules That He Is Only 3/5s of a Justice
Justice Thomas Rules That He Is Only 3/5s of a Justice
"The Constitution says nothing about the 13th Amendment," declared Thomas. "And the actual words of the founders are what count – not what liberal wishful thinkers claim 230 years later might have been their intention. The Constitution does not evolve. Evolution is a myth."
Video: Drones Evicting Foreclosed Families, Taking Sheriffs' Jobs
Video: Drones Evicting Foreclosed Families, Taking Sheriffs' Jobs
The United States Government is now using military drones to evict families from foreclosed homes. The measure not only increases real estate efficiency, but saves taxpayers by replacing sheriffs and their expensive pensions, healthcare benefits, and mustache maintenance.
TFE Parodies This American Life
TFE Parodies This American Life
The Final Edition Radio Hour invites you to take a listen as Brooklyn hipsters explore modern commerce through social networking, urban tribalism, and suspicious fires.
Shootout At The U.S. Constitution Corral
Shootout At The U.S. Constitution Corral
Who's responsible for all the gun violence? The First and Second Amendment shoot it out. There are tumbleweeds.
Critics Claim Florida's New Penis Logo Is Sexist
Critics Claim Florida's New Penis Logo Is Sexist
FLORIDA -- Late last week, Enterprise Florida, an organization promoting Florida's growth, held a press conference to unveil its new slogan: FLORIDA: The Perfect Climate for Business. 
Bible to be Banned in Arizona Under State Law Forbidding Ethnic Studies
Bible to be Banned in Arizona Under State Law Forbidding Ethnic Studies
The Arizona Book Banning and Burning Board, a division of the Arizona Dept of Education, today outlawed any teaching of, or reference to, the Bible in its schools.
Idiots with Guns
Idiots with Guns
A public service announcement from Idiots With Guns.
Watch Out Peta - Here Comes Meta!
Watch Out Peta - Here Comes Meta!
At steak-sauce-and-whisky-fueled blowout in Dallas this week, META, the first grass-roots carnivorist organization in US history was born.
Pope Tweets that He Will Reopen Trial of Galileo
Pope Tweets that He Will Reopen Trial of Galileo
His Holiness announced that Mr. Galilei's remains will be charged with crimes against humanity such as global warming, industrial pollution, abortion, and cell-phones that go off during Mass.
World's Mega-Rich Form Union: Fraternal Order of Billionaires Global Local 1
World's Mega-Rich Form Union: Fraternal Order of Billionaires Global Local 1
The Forbes 400 Most Pornographically Wealthy People On Earth are pushing back hard at calls from governments in developed countries to raise taxes on them. They gathered from around the globe last week in an unannounced location to discuss tactics.
TFE Exclusive: Noam Chomsky On America’s Cupcake Wars
TFE Exclusive: Noam Chomsky On America’s Cupcake Wars
Noam Chomsky is America’s leading dissident, linguist and small dessert expert. He has agreed to sit for an interview with The Final Edition but only during the commercials.
Paul Ryan Unveils Mediprayer: The Faith-Based Alternative to Medicare
Paul Ryan Unveils Mediprayer: The Faith-Based Alternative to Medicare
Just in time to reverse the GOP ticket’s downward spiral Vice Presidential candidate Paul Ryan today announced a dramatic new alternative to Medicare.
New Second Avenue Subway Will Include Bike Lanes
New Second Avenue Subway Will Include Bike Lanes
New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s pro-bicycle agenda reached a new high water mark today with the announcement that a cyclists-only lane is being added to the long-under-construction Second Avenue Subway
Sister Mary Che Explains It All for You
Sister Mary Che Explains It All for You
Hello ladies! It’s your little old left-lib nun again! Sister Mary Che! Coming to you from the convent of Our Lady of Liberation Tendencies in Wellesley Mass, mother-house of my wonderful, wonderful order, The Little Sisters of Noam Chomsky!
Zuckerberg Unveils Facebook Unconscious
Zuckerberg Unveils Facebook Unconscious
Today's mandatory article about Facebook.
Shock in Arizona: Governor Jan Brewer Reveals She's a Velociraptor
Shock in Arizona: Governor Jan Brewer Reveals She's a Velociraptor
Governor Jan Brewer of Arizona startled media and supporters alike today when she announced that she is part velociraptor.
Mr. Ebola Expert Answers Your Questions
Q. I’m a New Yorker and I’m afraid. Can I get ebola from the L train?
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The Final Edition Radio Hour
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Money Or Die
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New York Times: The Final Edition - The Original Parody           The Best of New York Times: The Final Edition
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"Sell It Off" - Taylor Swift's Real NYC Anthem
"Sell It Off" - Taylor Swift's Real NYC Anthem
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Ken Burns "The Republican Civil War"
Ken Burns "The Republican Civil War"
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New Spielberg Holocaust Epic Awarded Pre-Oscar
New Spielberg Holocaust Epic Awarded Pre-Oscar
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The Final Word: Wayne LaPierre Has a Dream
The Final Word: Wayne LaPierre Has a Dream
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Rent-A-Baby
Rent-A-Baby
Hello ladies. Are you 40? Single? Married? Divorced? Overworked? Unemployed? Bumping against the glass ceiling?
Hey, It's Our Thing
Hey, It's Our Thing
Brooklyn hipsters explore modern commerce through social networking, urban tribalism, and suspicious fires.
An OK Cupid Tragic Romance
An OK Cupid Tragic Romance
A tale of modern love and full calendars.
Handy Chart Of The Types Of Bodies That Belong In A Bikini
Handy Chart Of The Types Of Bodies That Belong In A Bikini
GOP to Launch "Americans Idle," Reality Show Starring the Unemployed; Eric Cantor to Head Judges Panel
GOP to Launch "Americans Idle," Reality Show Starring the Unemployed; Eric Cantor to Head Judges Panel
The GOP leadership announced today its definitive answer to the Administration’s jobs plan: a new prime-time Fox reality-show that will give one lucky contestant a job.
The Final Word: Obama Calls Iran
The Final Word: Obama Calls Iran
President Obama grabs his iPhone & dials up Iranian President Rouhani. Listen in.
TFE EXCLUSIVE:  First Interview with Royal Baby George Alexander Louis
TFE EXCLUSIVE: First Interview with Royal Baby George Alexander Louis
The Royal Baby, George Alexander Louis, has already caused a stir usually reserved for a new Oasis CD. The Once and Future King was only hours old, yet miraculously developed the power of speech, which he retained for a short time.
Puppet Murders Owner
Puppet Murders Owner
Miranda Tessaro thought she was doing the right thing when she invited out-of-work ventriloquist Al Corcetti, 65, and his dummy, Jigsey Janofsky, 38, to stay in her Silver Lakes home.
Part III: Past Imperfect: The Reign of the Grammar Nazis
Part III: Past Imperfect: The Reign of the Grammar Nazis
The death of a language can often be traced to its inflexibility-the unwillingness to change with, and thus express, changing times. No tale better illustrates this than the grim history of the Grammar Nazi Party.
Face of One of the Gods Seen in One of the Trees
Face of One of the Gods Seen in One of the Trees
Residents of Colfax, a small town northeast of Indianapolis, are frenzied after the face of Poseidon was discovered in a Shumard Oak.
Iran Offers Compromise Where They Just Nuke Half Of Israel
Iran Offers Compromise Where They Just Nuke Half Of Israel
Negotiations over Iran's nuclear program were thrown into chaos yesterday when Iranian President Mahmood Ahmadinejad offered a dramatic proposal regarding Iran's enemy, Israel.
25 Little-Known Facts About the Titanic
25 Little-Known Facts About the Titanic
From an engineering standpoint, the Titanic was not really a ship at all but a gigantic, seagoing zeppelin.
Episode IV: Happy Days
Episode IV: Happy Days
If left to our own devices, are we a nation that identifies Americanism as participating in the collective care of all of our citizens, or are we a nation of Individualists who believe that every man is an island?
Airbus Unveils the A001: A New Addition to The Class-System of the Skies
Airbus Unveils the A001: A New Addition to The Class-System of the Skies
Skip Hobble discusses the opulent luxury accommodations now available to the jet-setting elite aboard the new Airbus A001 in TFE's Travel Blog, "Final Destinations."
TFE Launches The Nation's First Ever Zombie Advice Column
TFE Launches The Nation's First Ever Zombie Advice Column
Has your change to a "Z" lifestyle got you in the dumps? Join Kevin, TFE's new Zombie Advice Columnist, as he tells us the Dos-and-Don'ts of the increasingly fashionable "Z" way of life.
From Here to iTernity: Apple Launches iTombs
From Here to iTernity: Apple Launches iTombs
Still mourning after the death of CEO Steve Jobs, Apple has announced a new line of products to tap into the largely untouched and forgotten post-living market.
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Inside Rush Limbaugh
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Szep Rally
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