SCALIA DIES, GOES TO HELL - HELL SPITS HIM RIGHT BACK OUT
SCALIA DIES, GOES TO HELL - HELL SPITS HIM RIGHT BACK OUT
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Hillary’s Texts With Trump
Hillary’s Texts With Trump
The Real Hillary Clinton Email Scandal
Our King Maker
Our King Maker
GOP Proposes New Women's Health Program to Replace Planned Parenthood: Unplanned Parenthood
GOP Proposes New Women's Health Program to Replace Planned Parenthood: Unplanned Parenthood
The GOP in Texas, Arizona, Kansas will support a replacement non-non-profit entity to provide a full raft of women’s health services, including bloodletting, fertility spells, wet-nurses, anti-suicide counseling, and in some cases, chastity belts.
From Pharma to Table: The McDonald's-Pfizer Merger
From Pharma to Table: The McDonald's-Pfizer Merger
McDonald's and Pfizer have announced plans to merge to allow McDonald's myriad meat patents and other intellectual properties to sustain Pfizer's long-term positive economic outlook.
Happy New Year
Happy New Year
credit: Mort Gerberg
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Secret Diaries of a Terrorist
Secret Diaries of a Terrorist
The continuing misadventures of a hard-working, misogynistic, sadistic, and violent terrorist...
In Move to Smash Google Glass, Apple Announces the iBall
In Move to Smash Google Glass, Apple Announces the iBall
The race for your retina is on! Media have always been obsessed with your eyeballs. Attracting them, keeping them, selling you stuff you don't need. Now with its Project Glass reality glasses Google wants to cut out the middleman – you. But Apple has an even better idea...
Nobel Committee Asks Obama “Nicely” To Return Peace Prize
Nobel Committee Asks Obama “Nicely” To Return Peace Prize
Thorbjorn Jagland, chairman of the Nobel Peace Prize Committee, said today that President Obama “really ought to consider” returning his Nobel Peace Prize Medal immediately, including the “really nice” case it came in.
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Freedom: Sponsored by Koch Industries
Freedom: Sponsored by Koch Industries
We at Koch Industries wanted to know what freedom means. So we got opinions from the people who matter the most: Ordinary Americans.
Justice Thomas Rules That He Is Only 3/5s of a Justice
Justice Thomas Rules That He Is Only 3/5s of a Justice
"The Constitution says nothing about the 13th Amendment," declared Thomas. "And the actual words of the founders are what count – not what liberal wishful thinkers claim 230 years later might have been their intention. The Constitution does not evolve. Evolution is a myth."
Introducing KFC’s Free Range Children
Introducing KFC’s Free Range Children
No need to feel guilty: These crispy kiddos are 100% organic.
okStupid
okStupid
Log on to OK Stupid, and you’ll find what you’ve always been looking for...
Zuckerberg Unveils Facebook Unconscious
Zuckerberg Unveils Facebook Unconscious
Today's mandatory article about Facebook.
Meet Racist Barbie!
Meet Racist Barbie!
This all new doll is fun, radiant and on her way to becoming America’s Next Top KKK Wife!
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Ted Cruz: Is He Crazy or Is He Insane?
Ted Cruz: Is He Crazy or Is He Insane?
Say it with a Drone
Say it with a Drone
You thought they were just for warfare, and mass murder, but that’s all about to change...
Liars on Lying
Liars on Lying
Are you tired of all the lying from people like Bill O’Reilly and Brian Williams?
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weBola: The Dating Site for Ebola Patients
weBola: The Dating Site for Ebola Patients
VIDEO: Life sucks, then you meet someone, then you die
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The New Republicans
The New Republicans
The following message is brought to you by, "The Republican Effort to Totally Revamp Ourselves" or... RETRO.
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The Brilliant Bug of Carnegie Hall
The Brilliant Bug of Carnegie Hall
A charming fable about how the core American values of inventiveness and stick-to-it-iveness are rewarded.
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The New Cosby Show Pilot
The New Cosby Show Pilot
Theo needs help with his homework...
Bite the Book: New York Times Book Review Chats with Tarzan
Bite the Book: New York Times Book Review Chats with Tarzan
What books are currently on your night stand?
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Facebook Heroes
Facebook Heroes
The Final Edition presents a series of true legends, stories of the greatest warriors for freedom and justice this - or any - generation has ever seen: Facebook Heroes
Exclusive:  The Final Edition Finds Hemingway's Long-Lost Suicide Note
Exclusive: The Final Edition Finds Hemingway's Long-Lost Suicide Note
July 2nd is the 53rd anniversary of an epochal event in American literature: the suicide via shotgun to the mouth of Ernest Hemingway.
Mattel Launches Average Barbie: 'A New Glamor-Free Doll For Our Times'
Mattel Launches Average Barbie: 'A New Glamor-Free Doll For Our Times'
The new doll, an effort to reorient the toy company after the death of co-founder Elliot Handler in July, will be "ordinary in every way, homely, mildly depressed and borderline obese."
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A Message From the National Denier Service
A Message From the National Denier Service
Were the Oklahoma tornadoes the result of global warming?
Video: Drones Evicting Foreclosed Families, Taking Sheriffs' Jobs
Video: Drones Evicting Foreclosed Families, Taking Sheriffs' Jobs
The United States Government is now using military drones to evict families from foreclosed homes. The measure not only increases real estate efficiency, but saves taxpayers by replacing sheriffs and their expensive pensions, healthcare benefits, and mustache maintenance.
TFE Parodies This American Life
TFE Parodies This American Life
The Final Edition Radio Hour invites you to take a listen as Brooklyn hipsters explore modern commerce through social networking, urban tribalism, and suspicious fires.
Shootout At The U.S. Constitution Corral
Shootout At The U.S. Constitution Corral
Who's responsible for all the gun violence? The First and Second Amendment shoot it out. There are tumbleweeds.
Critics Claim Florida's New Penis Logo Is Sexist
Critics Claim Florida's New Penis Logo Is Sexist
FLORIDA -- Late last week, Enterprise Florida, an organization promoting Florida's growth, held a press conference to unveil its new slogan: FLORIDA: The Perfect Climate for Business. 
Bible to be Banned in Arizona Under State Law Forbidding Ethnic Studies
Bible to be Banned in Arizona Under State Law Forbidding Ethnic Studies
The Arizona Book Banning and Burning Board, a division of the Arizona Dept of Education, today outlawed any teaching of, or reference to, the Bible in its schools.
Idiots with Guns
Idiots with Guns
A public service announcement from Idiots With Guns.
Watch Out Peta - Here Comes Meta!
Watch Out Peta - Here Comes Meta!
At steak-sauce-and-whisky-fueled blowout in Dallas this week, META, the first grass-roots carnivorist organization in US history was born.
World's Mega-Rich Form Union: Fraternal Order of Billionaires Global Local 1
World's Mega-Rich Form Union: Fraternal Order of Billionaires Global Local 1
The Forbes 400 Most Pornographically Wealthy People On Earth are pushing back hard at calls from governments in developed countries to raise taxes on them. They gathered from around the globe last week in an unannounced location to discuss tactics.
TFE Exclusive: Noam Chomsky On America’s Cupcake Wars
TFE Exclusive: Noam Chomsky On America’s Cupcake Wars
Noam Chomsky is America’s leading dissident, linguist and small dessert expert. He has agreed to sit for an interview with The Final Edition but only during the commercials.
New Second Avenue Subway Will Include Bike Lanes
New Second Avenue Subway Will Include Bike Lanes
New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s pro-bicycle agenda reached a new high water mark today with the announcement that a cyclists-only lane is being added to the long-under-construction Second Avenue Subway
Sister Mary Che Explains It All for You
Sister Mary Che Explains It All for You
Hello ladies! It’s your little old left-lib nun again! Sister Mary Che! Coming to you from the convent of Our Lady of Liberation Tendencies in Wellesley Mass, mother-house of my wonderful, wonderful order, The Little Sisters of Noam Chomsky!
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The Final Edition Radio Hour
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OUR FIRST ALBUM
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Money Or Die
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New York Times: The Final Edition - The Original Parody           The Best of New York Times: The Final Edition
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"Sell It Off" - Taylor Swift's Real NYC Anthem
"Sell It Off" - Taylor Swift's Real NYC Anthem
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Ken Burns "The Republican Civil War"
Ken Burns "The Republican Civil War"
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New Spielberg Holocaust Epic Awarded Pre-Oscar
New Spielberg Holocaust Epic Awarded Pre-Oscar
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The Final Word: Wayne LaPierre Has a Dream
The Final Word: Wayne LaPierre Has a Dream
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Rent-A-Baby
Rent-A-Baby
Hello ladies. Are you 40? Single? Married? Divorced? Overworked? Unemployed? Bumping against the glass ceiling?
Hey, It's Our Thing
Hey, It's Our Thing
Brooklyn hipsters explore modern commerce through social networking, urban tribalism, and suspicious fires.
An OK Cupid Tragic Romance
An OK Cupid Tragic Romance
A tale of modern love and full calendars.
GOP to Launch "Americans Idle," Reality Show Starring the Unemployed; Eric Cantor to Head Judges Panel
GOP to Launch "Americans Idle," Reality Show Starring the Unemployed; Eric Cantor to Head Judges Panel
The GOP leadership announced today its definitive answer to the Administration’s jobs plan: a new prime-time Fox reality-show that will give one lucky contestant a job.
Puppet Murders Owner
Puppet Murders Owner
Miranda Tessaro thought she was doing the right thing when she invited out-of-work ventriloquist Al Corcetti, 65, and his dummy, Jigsey Janofsky, 38, to stay in her Silver Lakes home.
Part III: Past Imperfect: The Reign of the Grammar Nazis
Part III: Past Imperfect: The Reign of the Grammar Nazis
The death of a language can often be traced to its inflexibility-the unwillingness to change with, and thus express, changing times. No tale better illustrates this than the grim history of the Grammar Nazi Party.
Face of One of the Gods Seen in One of the Trees
Face of One of the Gods Seen in One of the Trees
Residents of Colfax, a small town northeast of Indianapolis, are frenzied after the face of Poseidon was discovered in a Shumard Oak.
25 Little-Known Facts About the Titanic
25 Little-Known Facts About the Titanic
From an engineering standpoint, the Titanic was not really a ship at all but a gigantic, seagoing zeppelin.
Episode IV: Happy Days
Episode IV: Happy Days
If left to our own devices, are we a nation that identifies Americanism as participating in the collective care of all of our citizens, or are we a nation of Individualists who believe that every man is an island?
Airbus Unveils the A001: A New Addition to The Class-System of the Skies
Airbus Unveils the A001: A New Addition to The Class-System of the Skies
Skip Hobble discusses the opulent luxury accommodations now available to the jet-setting elite aboard the new Airbus A001 in TFE's Travel Blog, "Final Destinations."
TFE Launches The Nation's First Ever Zombie Advice Column
TFE Launches The Nation's First Ever Zombie Advice Column
Has your change to a "Z" lifestyle got you in the dumps? Join Kevin, TFE's new Zombie Advice Columnist, as he tells us the Dos-and-Don'ts of the increasingly fashionable "Z" way of life.
From Here to iTernity: Apple Launches iTombs
From Here to iTernity: Apple Launches iTombs
Still mourning after the death of CEO Steve Jobs, Apple has announced a new line of products to tap into the largely untouched and forgotten post-living market.
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Inside Rush Limbaugh
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Szep Rally
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