http://www.thefinaledition.com/THE NEW YORK TIMES, WORLD'S NEWSPAPER OF RECORD, CLOSES ITS DOORS FOREVER Mon, 13 Aug 2012 20:51:29 EDT http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/romney-picks-ryan.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/romney-picks-ryan.html Tue, 14 Aug 2012 16:29:58 EDT http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/gbtv-greenlights-glee-alternative-creationists-club.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/gbtv-greenlights-glee-alternative-creationists-club.html Bowing to the overwhelming public pressure of no one, Glenn Beck Television has given the green light to production of an alternative to the hit show Glee. Mon, 13 Aug 2012 20:00:44 EDT http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/bloody-olympics.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/bloody-olympics.html The 2012 London Olympics just concluded in the East End of London and a lot of London's Cockneys still aren't feeling too patriotic about them. Thu, 12 Jul 2012 12:00:58 EDT http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/tfe-parodies-this-american-life.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/tfe-parodies-this-american-life.html The Final Edition Radio Hour invites you to take a listen as Brooklyn hipsters explore modern commerce through social networking, urban tribalism, and suspicious fires. Mon, 18 Jun 2012 14:30:52 EDT http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/aung-san-suu-kyi-oslo-speech-convinces-nobel-committee-to-demand-that-obama-return-his-peace-prize.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/aung-san-suu-kyi-oslo-speech-convinces-nobel-committee-to-demand-that-obama-return-his-peace-prize.html "We don’t care about the money! We just want the damn medal back!” Thorbjørn Jangland, chairman of the Nobel Peace Prize Committee, told an overflow press conference in Oslo today. Fri, 29 Jun 2012 13:08:24 EDT http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/caption-this.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/caption-this.html The Final Edition's Caption Contest returns with a vengeance. Submit your best (or worst) ideas! Tue, 22 May 2012 11:28:45 EDT http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/worlds-mega-rich-form-union-fraternal-order-of-billionaires-global-local-1.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/worlds-mega-rich-form-union-fraternal-order-of-billionaires-global-local-1.html The Forbes 400 Most Pornographically Wealthy People On Earth are pushing back hard at calls from governments in developed countries to raise taxes on them. They gathered from around the globe last week in an unannounced location to discuss tactics. Mon, 30 Apr 2012 11:36:04 EDT http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/foxxy-lady.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/foxxy-lady.html Mon, 11 Mar 2013 20:40:29 EDT http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/in-move-to-smash-google-glass-apple-announces-the-iball.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/in-move-to-smash-google-glass-apple-announces-the-iball.html The race for your retina is on! Media have always been obsessed with your eyeballs. Attracting them, keeping them, selling you stuff you don't need. Now with its Project Glass reality glasses Google wants to cut out the middleman – you. But Apple has an even better idea... Tue, 24 Apr 2012 09:14:42 EDT http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/iran-offers-compromise-where-they-just-nuke-half-of-israel.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/iran-offers-compromise-where-they-just-nuke-half-of-israel.html Negotiations over Iran's nuclear program were thrown into chaos yesterday when Iranian President Mahmood Ahmadinejad offered a dramatic proposal regarding Iran's enemy, Israel. Mon, 16 Apr 2012 13:12:31 EDT http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/shoot-em-up-fun.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/shoot-em-up-fun.html Sun, 15 Apr 2012 11:51:28 EDT http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/25-little-known-facts-about-the-titanic.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/25-little-known-facts-about-the-titanic.html From an engineering standpoint, the Titanic was not really a ship at all but a gigantic, seagoing zeppelin. Tue, 10 Apr 2012 13:17:07 EDT http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/romney-and-ryan.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/romney-and-ryan.html Thu, 02 Feb 2012 17:30:47 EST http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/newt-rising.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/newt-rising.html Tue, 20 Dec 2011 14:53:38 EST http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/north-korean-leader-dies-colonel-potter-declares-end-to-60-year-old-conflict.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/north-korean-leader-dies-colonel-potter-declares-end-to-60-year-old-conflict.html After an incredibly protracted war, many troops, including Mobile Army Surgical Hospital #4077, will finally be allowed to return back to United States soil. Tue, 13 Dec 2011 17:48:55 EST http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/gingrich-to-hold-debate-with-self.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/gingrich-to-hold-debate-with-self.html Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich announced today that he would hold a series of debates with himself, “since nobody else is in my league.” Tue, 15 Nov 2011 17:04:14 EST http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/wall-street-multi-billionaire-attacks-anti-wall-street-protesters-for-their-own-health-and-safety.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/wall-street-multi-billionaire-attacks-anti-wall-street-protesters-for-their-own-health-and-safety.html Multi-billionaire Michael Bloomberg last night ordered hundreds of homeless citizens protesting the existence of multi-billionaires removed from Zuccotti Park in lower Manhattan ‘for their own good.’ Tue, 15 Nov 2011 15:12:09 EST http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/gop-to-launch-americans-idle-reality-show-starring-the-unemployed-eric-cantor-to-head-judges-panel.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/gop-to-launch-americans-idle-reality-show-starring-the-unemployed-eric-cantor-to-head-judges-panel.html The GOP leadership announced today its definitive answer to the Administration’s jobs plan: a new prime-time Fox reality-show that will give one lucky contestant a job. Sun, 09 Oct 2011 23:28:29 EDT http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/wall-street-consider-yourself-occupied.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/wall-street-consider-yourself-occupied.html OK, time to storm the Bastille but I can’t find a taxi. Ever notice how you can’t get a cab when it’s reigning terror? Mon, 06 Feb 2012 11:39:57 EST http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/christie-trashes-cast-of-jersey-shore-again.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/christie-trashes-cast-of-jersey-shore-again.html Governor Chris Christie and Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi of MTV's "Jersey Shore" exchanged heated words once again today after the reality TV star bashed Christie on Twitter. Fri, 04 Jan 2013 17:04:20 EST http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/szep-rally.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/szep-rally.html Thu, 15 Sep 2011 20:38:50 EDT http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/republican-contagion.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/republican-contagion.html A political pandemic of preposterous proportions sweeps the nation after Republican presidential hopeful Michele Bachmann succumbs to infection while making the case for her candidacy at a debate. Wed, 14 Sep 2011 08:08:53 EDT http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/palestinians-a-form-of-plant-life-say-israeli-botanists.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/palestinians-a-form-of-plant-life-say-israeli-botanists.html Scientists at the Leonard Alfred Schneider Botanical Institute in Tel Aviv announced today that Palestinians are a “unique genus of ambulatory plant-life” and not a large species of insect after all. Thu, 25 Aug 2011 18:25:39 EDT http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/episode-iii-taken-for-branded.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/episode-iii-taken-for-branded.html Democrats don’t know how to brand themselves. They need to own the word “tough”. Tue, 23 Aug 2011 11:41:02 EDT http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/the-power-of-satire-lady-gagadaffi.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/the-power-of-satire-lady-gagadaffi.html After one hundred and fifty days and two minutes, the unstoppable power of satire finally topples the Gaddafi regime. Mon, 30 Jan 2012 15:58:21 EST http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/sheer-hippocracy-a-huffington-post-times-journal-op-ed-from-april-2034.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/sheer-hippocracy-a-huffington-post-times-journal-op-ed-from-april-2034.html Wed, 03 Aug 2011 18:03:00 EDT http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/obama-signs-historic-old-deal-reversing-spending-on-poor-senior-sick-and-unemployed-americans-prohibition-jim-crow-and-silent-movies-to-follow.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/obama-signs-historic-old-deal-reversing-spending-on-poor-senior-sick-and-unemployed-americans-prohibition-jim-crow-and-silent-movies-to-follow.html Yesterday, President Obama signed a historic bill containing provisions to dismantle the so-called 'New Deal' and 'Great Society.' Thu, 22 Sep 2011 13:52:41 EDT http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/part-ii-copyright-violators-of-the-old-west.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/part-ii-copyright-violators-of-the-old-west.html The story of fair uses and nooses as America made its westward expansion. Fri, 29 Jul 2011 13:31:11 EDT http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/inside-rush-limbaugh.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/inside-rush-limbaugh.html Sat, 06 Aug 2011 14:03:59 EDT http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/unindicted-racketeers-who-caused-subprime-meltdown-downgrade-us-aaa-credit-rating.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/unindicted-racketeers-who-caused-subprime-meltdown-downgrade-us-aaa-credit-rating.html Reached yesterday a spokesman for the ratings agency Standard and Poor said: “Look, if the U.S. Government is willing to slip us $100 million or so, we’ll consider keeping its credit rating at AAA. OK?” Wed, 03 Aug 2011 11:06:10 EDT http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/part-i-sealed-in-legend-how-the-twist-tie-saved-bread.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/part-i-sealed-in-legend-how-the-twist-tie-saved-bread.html A fresh idea: the compelling story of twist-tie inventor Heinz Ackermann, "The Father of Modern Bread Closure" Tue, 26 Jul 2011 12:24:05 EDT http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/obamas-2012-campaign-headquarters.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/obamas-2012-campaign-headquarters.html Mon, 08 Aug 2011 15:12:33 EDT http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/news-from-the-ninth-dimension.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/news-from-the-ninth-dimension.html Debt-limit slimy glob blobs... Poisonal pie culls Noise Corpse emperor... Sheepish and turkles droop dead in Midwept bleat wave... Hardvard Yardiversity: The overly heightened best beware bean bonking Tue, 26 Jul 2011 17:19:11 EDT http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/diary-of-a-young-banker.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/diary-of-a-young-banker.html Newly hired banker Nelson Adoyele recounts the ups and downs of his first week at the Central Bank of Nigeria, L.L.C. Tue, 26 Jul 2011 17:09:01 EDT http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/rich-backer-of-governor-chris-christie-slips-up-demands-governor-bring-him-coffee.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/rich-backer-of-governor-chris-christie-slips-up-demands-governor-bring-him-coffee.html At a high powered meeting with some of the richest financiers and hedge fund managers in the world who were urging him to run for President, Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey was asked for an espresso by one of the tycoons present. Tue, 09 Aug 2011 13:26:47 EDT http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/episode-i-just-and-competent.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/episode-i-just-and-competent.html Fortnightly, I will recap and spark off the content of The Rachel Maddow Show, in undying admiration for its host. Tue, 24 Apr 2012 23:16:09 EDT http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/john-edwards-wins-right-to-be-tried-by-jury-of-peers-but-cant-find-any-peers-to-serve.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/john-edwards-wins-right-to-be-tried-by-jury-of-peers-but-cant-find-any-peers-to-serve.html In a shocking twist to the criminal prosecution of John Edwards for campaign law violations, Edwards has won the right not just to be judged by a jury of his peers but the right to pick those peers – if he can find them. Wed, 08 May 2013 18:15:37 EDT http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/video-the-incredible-folding-president.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/video-the-incredible-folding-president.html After his failure to get Congress to pass gun control supported by 90% of Americans, we revisit our favorite current occupant of the Oval Office. Check out his moves... Fri, 08 Jul 2011 12:09:27 EDT http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/roger-ailes-uk-hacking-scandal-smears-superb-reputation-of-fox-news.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/roger-ailes-uk-hacking-scandal-smears-superb-reputation-of-fox-news.html Wed, 27 Jul 2011 13:08:29 EDT http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/roger-ailes-uk-hacking-scandal-smears-superb-reputation-of-fox-news.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/roger-ailes-uk-hacking-scandal-smears-superb-reputation-of-fox-news.html In a tearful press conference Friday, Roger Ailes head of Fox News, accused the scandal-ridden UK Sunday tabloid News Of The World and its editors of “dragging the superb journalistic standards and reputation of Fox News through the mud.’ Thu, 30 Jun 2011 08:46:19 EDT http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/kiss-our-american-ass.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/kiss-our-american-ass.html Wed, 29 Jun 2011 17:12:22 EDT http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/chuck-is-dead.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/chuck-is-dead.html Wed, 29 Jun 2011 17:00:29 EDT http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/marriage-equality-gives-new-yorkers-yet-another-reason-to-feel-superior-to-la.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/marriage-equality-gives-new-yorkers-yet-another-reason-to-feel-superior-to-la.html The gigantic list of reasons New York City is better than Los Angeles got longer last Friday when Governor Cuomo legalized gay marriage in the Empire State. Thu, 30 Jun 2011 08:48:21 EDT http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/kiss-our-american-ass.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/kiss-our-american-ass.html Tue, 28 Jun 2011 16:11:04 EDT http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/mallard-filmore.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/mallard-filmore.html Tue, 28 Jun 2011 14:52:25 EDT http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/house-passes-bill-calling-for-tributes-sacrifice-to-wealthy.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/house-passes-bill-calling-for-tributes-sacrifice-to-wealthy.html The House of Republicans passed the 2011 Obeisance and Homage Act, calling for great caravans of wealth be brought before America’s millionaires and billionaires, in an attempt to earn their favor and mercy. Wed, 27 Jul 2011 11:17:47 EDT http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/nobel-committee-asks-obama-nicely-to-return-peace-prize.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/nobel-committee-asks-obama-nicely-to-return-peace-prize.html Thorbjorn Jagland, chairman of the Nobel Peace Prize Committee, said today that President Obama “really ought to consider” returning his Nobel Peace Prize Medal immediately, including the “really nice” case it came in. Wed, 22 Jun 2011 15:36:21 EDT http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/strange-new-stds-striking-sexy-seniors.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/strange-new-stds-striking-sexy-seniors.html Watch out, grandpa. That hot little octogenarian you've been eyeballing at the senior center could give you a dose of what the fellas call the Clapper clap. Mon, 20 Jun 2011 18:18:46 EDT http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/cramer-will-the-next-bubble-be-the-bubble-bubble.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/cramer-will-the-next-bubble-be-the-bubble-bubble.html Mon, 20 Jun 2011 17:43:14 EDT http://www.thefinaledition.com/article/brand-new-e-z-x-word.html http://www.thefinaledition/article/brand-new-e-z-x-word.html